Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
