Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
