she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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