Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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