So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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