Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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