You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize