no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
