My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
