Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
