I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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