I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize