Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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