I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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