Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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