You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
