you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
