He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
