WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
