Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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