wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize