We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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