I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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