but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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