Joe is yelling at the trees again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
