Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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