I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
