I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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