P.S. I can't hear my feet
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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