nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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