he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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