just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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