omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
