Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
