omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
