So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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