In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
