the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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