oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
