Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
