Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
