dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
