Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
