the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
my poor anus
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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