It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
