she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
