I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
