I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize