We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
