I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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