I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
