we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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