how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
