fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I supernannyed him into submission
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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