i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
