What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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