I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
