The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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