I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
