Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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