Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
