my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
