So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
