i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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