you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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