Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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