she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
