We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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