Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
