I heard we made out
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's just like the Real World with babies
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
