I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
