His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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