I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
